Shinji's Blog

Thrashing in the Deep

So a month has gone by. What have I done, learned, and so on.

I've started guitar lessons. After playing a surprisingly long game of phone tag, I've started classical guitar lessons. While it's very exciting, it has yet to feel surprising or new. The process so far, lots of rhythm strumming and no real notes, is as expected, and I'm highly anxious to learning notes and songs and the accompyaning experience of calibrating myself with a new instrument.

I've been having great difficulty sleeping. The only thing I can think of regarding this new bout of insomnia is anxiety over my disability hearing now having a formal date. It's been a very frustrating experience, almost angry, as I have a situation with no real tangible or "clear cut" answer. Despite that I'm following the advice I got from a sleep specialist, and trying to watch myself as well, I'm still having trouble. My ability to sleep isn't some philisophical debate or theological mystery, it's something that can be fought with and understood. So why is it still being troublesome? The only factor that has changed is my knowing of a date for the hearing. Then again, the house is shuffling roommates and there are other things of course. The chance that I'm disregarding something important nags at me, but I also can't over-examine everything. It's upsetting that I can't find the cause, and I'm hoping it won't interfere too much. So far I've had to cancel hanging out with someone because I slept through our time, and I've gotten off-schedule once. I'm hoping I can crush it from here, and I'm optomistic I will. Time will tell.

That's all for now. More later. Promise. Take care and be safe til then kids.